i want bones

Sun, 10 May 2009 05:49:00 GMT

Wow. Well I got drunk and high last night and I have to say that it was bomb.
I made out with and/or had a three way kiss with nine different people.
It was awesome and I dont really remeber everything but i have hickys on my neck, hip and boob.
And i gave this one boy a major hicky on his neck,
Oh and my mother saw my hickys on my neck. not so good.

Sat, 02 May 2009 07:08:13 GMT

Wow.
Its awesome experiencing things that I have today again.
Not only did I hang out with a bunch of my friends at the beach...
we made plans to do it again. And when they were discussing who was coming over i was left out and...they say that i was a given and had no choice.
Not only did I get a cig....
I didnt have to pester people for one. or two. or three.
Not only did I not eat a lot...
Someone told me I was really yummy and hugable because 'i fit in their arms so well'
Not only did i kiss a boy....
He was really cute and wanted to also.
Not only did someone want to be alone with me....
they also wanted to hold me close.
I know these things arent the most amazing things in the world but its nice to feel loved. and cared about.
Im just wondering when that writer in the mountains is going to laugh and delete the plotline I have encouraged.
Today was really good. beach with friends, smoking cigs and weed. bonfire going to.
wow. for once my ~~knife~~ can stay in my closet. Im so damn happy. I dont know why im saying all this, i just reallly wanted it to share it with someone with out sounding like a complete freak.
oops to late.
haha <3

Fri, 01 May 2009 05:44:56 GMT

Em.
I have no words.
i wrote your name on my thigh
but that doesnt change your reasons
why you arent there, or here
or places you dont belong
like the one your in now
open those eyes, i have a sweeter surprise
death or light,
never sure if thats right.
choose the one you think is best.

Im so sorry. em. please wake up?
I hope it didnt hurt so much... you dont deserve that.
I hope that whatever is in control of this damn place gives you what you want.
I may want you here but obviously you dont. and i want you to be happy.
Things do get better and change for the better. I dont know what to do.
I want you.

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 05:33:40 GMT

Wow.
Things are going really good at school with friends and well everything :)
Hopefully going to this bbq thing on friday that this guy named reeve, who i met today, is throwing.
Im gonna be sad if he doesnt invite me. And while itd be awesome to go with cameo to her lake house i doubt that it will happen and if we do actually go i dont think id have to much fun. bbq=hookah, alch, awesome people and something people are gonna talk about for a while. PLus id meet new people. Lake house=cameo(&hearts; her but still) and maybe a boy or two, maybe hookah and lotss of food. which is a negative.
Honestly im kinda estatic that i even have the option.
Im really happy about everything right now and...idk. I feel myself calming down but i refuse to let myself get fat this time around. Im gonna be happy and skinny. Fat and happpy happen with me but dont make me happy. haha.
And im out for tonight.
<3

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 05:40:00 GMT

That Party Last Night was Crazy. I wished we taped it!
Im so glad that i went to it and I dont want to go into everything that happend. I dont think I could if I tried either because I dont remember a whole lot of what happened after we got to the rollerrink. OKay i know it sounds lame to go to an allnighter at a roller rink but its a whole TON of fun with the right people and the right mood. Dont kill it til youve tried it! but anyway i wasnt high or anything (i only smoked around 6:00ish this moring which was really nice)so i dont know why i dont remember a whole lot. I dont know why i was acting kinda crazy but whatever the reason it works with me. I had so much fun and i cant stop fucking smiling :)
The parts I do remember involve me being really...well kinda overly sexual with peolpe. I guess i said a whole lot of stuff. Like for example:
Keith smacked Michelles ass apprently really hard and shes all like oww oww and I go yeah right. And so Keith says that fine he'll show me how hard he did it to her. And im like alright! and i remember hearing the sound of it..haha..but it really didnt hurt! So i go you think that was hard?!
But parts of all that werent really my fault. Like if someone grabs your tit and you just dont do anything cause you dont care that they did....haha which leads me to another subject in my mind that i reallllly need to stop thinking about. so im not going to go there on here.
Apparently Im really good at grinding to. We didnt skate the whole Night! There were dance breaks and me and all my friends would go dance all on eachother. haha kinda weird since we are mostly girls but it was still fun. Grinding train! hahah being in the middle is fun but being on the end is to because...erm nevermind I sound like SUCH perv. haha you know its bad if i cant even type it. well. ha.
And i kinda surprised a lot of people cause no one knows i smoke and im good that no one does. dont know if that fact changed or not. Same with the drinking thing. Sadly didnt get to do that last one.
LAst night and yesterday were so much fun! I hope this happens again. :) wow i still cant stop smiling!

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 05:38:27 GMT

OKay so I am really excited for tomorrows party that taylor is throwing. I know that it will be a whole lot of fun. However.... I have no idea how i am getting home. I dont even know if i will know or get along with anyone there and i dont know whats going to happen. The last one almost makes me worry the most. Gotta breathe in and out. i havent gone to a party in a while so even if i have to walk home or something i think that this will be a lot of fun. okay you know felicia(who i am going with) and i know taylor and im pretty sure keith will be there. so thats three. and if i knew how it was going to work out it wouldnt be a whole lotta fun. Breatheee. It will be just fine.
Who knows? Maybe ill run over a really adorable guy in my skates :)

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 05:33:22 GMT

420.

I am so happy with today. i dont know how to really describe it cause im tired (just in general kiddies) and dont want to try and think up something articulate and amazing. anyway.
Smokin weed with davia michelle felicia alisa and later with felicia sean and a whole bunch of guys whose names i forgot WAS SO MUCH FUN. got really comfortable and everything was funny. I had SO much fun. i mean sure said some stuff i shouldnt have but i dont think anyone reallly cared. and to be honest i dont really either. Really happy i had fun today and really happy i got closer with felicia. andd happy i got a cig from sean today. but reallly happy i got to hang out with some friends again. today was perfect. i wouldnt change a thing. i mean it to.

today was SO much fucking fun. :D <---------- its a MASSIVE smile. youd see it if you could see me. haha.

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:51:38 GMT

There are times when I absolutely love looking like a really innocent girl.
Which for the most part I am.
And this is definetly one of them.
Apparently my mum can write off my smelling like cigs as outdoors. Wow.
I dont even know how she got that.
But even if you know you're going to get away with it...
Being called out on 'reeking of cigs' still kinda freaked me out.

gotta be more careful.

Im sorry

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 05:08:21 GMT

Emily. I dont know if you read this, to be honest I hope you dont. Things I have said on here i dont want you to read because i realize they might hurt you. I worry by just saying anything it will hurt you. and i dont want to do that.. more than i probably already have.I am really sorry for messing things up for you. I know sorry doesnt change a damn thing. I dont know what else to say though. Ive never been good at...expressing what im thinking because most of the time I dont know.
Im really sorry for what i have put you through.
Im not begging for you back. Im hoping that by saying im sorry and that you deserve a much better girlfriend you can go on in life and find someone or something that makes you truly happy. Because you deserve that.
The way i have been to you....i was/am such a bitch im sorry.
Im not saying lets be friends because that part is really up to you.
And if i was you id honestly figure out a way to punch me in the face cause id deserve that. I do deserve that.

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 04:54:44 GMT

Wow. Life lesson learned.
         You might get what you want but it might not be the way that you wanted it to be gotten.
Boyfriend broke up with me for another girl. One of his best friends, he told me that he liked her since 8th grade. Apparently they had gotten to close for them to be dating and when theyd... kiss he couldnt stop thinking about me. (Me?) So he broke up with her and begged for me to take him back. uh hm hard one.
I said yes.
As much as id like to see how hed make me.. I wouldnt want to risk him thinking I didnt like him.
Plenty of girls that would do anythig for him. This taught me a few things.
Hopefully I will be a whole ton bolder with him and not just get comfortable with all of this.

Tomorrow should be fun. Shopping with my mum for my birthday.
Maybe get a few things that he can enjoy as well????               <------------
                                                                                                          No i didnt say that.
                                                                                                         Computers are evil.

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 05:33:51 GMT

Wow I fall way to damn hard for people. Even thought it's over it was good while it lasted, i wouldnt really change anything except I would be wayyy more bold with him about how I feel about him. Take the first step and all that shit.
He wants to be friends and Im KINDA okay with that.
I mean sure I am still going to want to sit in his lap and wrap my legs around him and kiss him for an hour straight and run my fngers through his hair and feel his back and have him kiss my neck and try and let him to let me kiss his neck as well and give him a back massage and jump on him and kiss him and tell all those jealous bitches to go away but...not going to happen for a while. Had WAYY to many fantasys these days. really not mentioning any of them on here. To embarrasing. Ha Ha!
I guess if Im a really good friend he might realize he still has feelings for me and wants me back? Definetly going to try and look damn sexy when school starts up again.
Hes never going to know this but he could have possibly saved my life.
Im so much more relaxed and more....me than I have been for a few years. Havent cut or tried to kill myself or something insane like that. Still restricting and everything but Its more...fun now, I dont completely hate myself. I actually have someone who cares about me, maybe not sexually attracted to me but he does give a damn about me. He said so Im not making shit up. And it was when I was bein a wee bit of a bitch as well; I really dont deserve him..Even if we are only friends he's definetly someone I want to keep around. I guess I will just have to see how things play out right?

Favorite new things=
Hookah. ( I have only had strawberry, mint, tequila sunrise and watermelon)
And cigarettes are awesome. especially newports and Kools.
Addheral not so much kiddies. <---- dont ever try that one at home. haha

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 05:44:57 GMT

You know that moment when you realize something is so right and you dont want to move for fear of breaking it and it shatters into a million pieces on the ground?
What if that thing was so beautiful that colors flew out of it, not to completely leave it but to share its radiance for those who do not know?
What if it molded and changed and moved and accepted?
When it did fall it would conform to the hand that catches it.
It isnt solid or sure.
There is no need for it to be.
The color changes every time you look.
There is no need for it to be the same.
-Me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Down 13 pounds, pretty proud of myself for once in my life.
I've never heard of someone being attracted to a stomach but it works for me,
girls are to guys all the time, why not the other way around?

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 05:28:45 GMT

Thought I would update. It has been a while.
Coming back on here I dont know exactly what to say...
The changes that I have made and the decisions are not something
that I will ever regret. And I dont have a reason too.
Other than that?
LIfe is good. No it's great. Fuck that. It is the best that it has ever been.
NO cutting...
and a boyfriend who accepts me for who I am.
I dont have to lie.
It is amazing.